PSYCHO: A MEAT PUPPET BUILT FOR SLAUGHTER (B/X AND GLOG TOO)

[The following is an excerpt from a conversation between me and the other author:]

SORRY AS A SLICE WOUND, I DONT HAVE ANY GOOD IDEAS FOR THE USUAL OPENING TEXT BLURB.
Shut up idiot. You’re making a fool of us.
NO NO REALLY, WE GOTTA WRITE SOMETHING NICE TO ATTRACT THE LADIES.
I said shut up, you scare the ladies, they don’t like you.
HEY PRETTY LADY, WANT SOME NIPPLE SALAD?
Here we go again.

[Naturally, I was the one preparing the salad.]

SALAD REQUIRES YOU!
Krieg the Psycho by shrarm

IM SORRY I MADE THIS PLEASE DONT HURT ME

That was an horrible introduction. I’ll make up for it next time. In the meanwhile know that I know that everybody knows it’s shit.

I like Borderlands a lot. And I like Krieg a lot. This class was born from my desire to have some Borderlands aesthetic in my games, and to homage that wonderful mess that is Krieg by making something not so common in the OSR world: a reverse barbarian. What I mean by that is a character that, by default, can’t solve problems with his wits and mind and has to actually spend his limited resources to be effective outside of combat or at least outside of very dangerous and immediate situations. I don’t want combat to become the main focus of the game, I just want it to be a real constant risk just by virtue of having a big sociopath in the party. A bit like a family reunion: it’s all fun and games until your drunken uncle pins the dog down.

Not everyone is going to like such a combat-centric class in an OSR game (in fact, I’m not totally convinced it’s a good class but I’m far too tired to keep working on it and it kinda worked at my table) and it’s fine, since it kinda deviates from the usual OSR style thing. However, if you want to be a sociopath not only at your table, but inside your game, here’s the class for you. Your party can thank me later.

A usual party with a psycho.
Borderlands 2 Splash Art by Gearbox.

SEE THE NUMBERS TASTE THE VIOLENCE

Psychos are big balls of flesh, bone and rage who have forgone their sanity, with only a little bit of it left, pushing back from the most secluded places in their skulls. Just like my mother. They still feel loyalty and a need to protect those they care about, but for the most part they're just a collection of screams splashing gore around. Those that accompany themselves with Psychos are usually considered totally insane by others, and often have to prevent their crazy companions from doing very stupid shit like biting the ass of a sleeping rhino or charging straight inside an active volcano because their inner voice was sleeping. Psychos love and care for their companions, like a very special (and very big) child cares for his mother.

HP: as Fighter or whatever is the best option in your game 

Saves: as Fighter

Literally anything else besides special abilities: as Wizard

Loose beast: you are a reverse barbarian, you are always raging and screaming while a faint voice tries to hold you back; you effectively count as having 3 to all mental stats (and +2 up to a maximum of 18 to physical ones) and can’t do anything that requires patience or understanding, unless you are actively channeling your inner voice; you can be a calm and reasonable dude for up to one hour each day (with minimum increments of 10 minutes); you gain an extra 10 minutes every 2 levels. Your inner voice is still not the one doing the talking, so you’re gonna be a chill dude screaming about the beauty of slaughter and fishing with bacon.

Strip the Flesh: or every time you encounter something new you must Save or be compelled to attack the first living thing near your. Also, during combat, you are compelled to attack each round (friend or foe); if you can’t you’ll attack yourself as a free action (no roll to hit, just roll damage). Even if you attack, you’ll still inflict yourself a single HP of damage each turn. You’re a cross between a menstruating girl, a pitbull and a meat grinder: the only thing that can keep you interested is violence.

Salt the Wound: every time you hit and successfully put down something or someone, you recover d8 HP. A bleeding wound is a good reminder that you’re still alive, especially when you’re the one making it on someone else. But you didn’t need to remind that guy so many times.

Pyromaniac: when you’re on fire, all your attacks deal extra fire damage like a torch. You can only take a single point of damage from fire each round. Hitting things on fire makes you so happy that you automatically get an attack bonus equal to that of a Fighter when attacking them. That’s because you love the Firehawk more than you love yourself and you hope she’s keeping tabs on who’s keeping fires stoked.

Badass: when you’re downed, instead of being downed you get back up screaming like the badass you are, but only if you have some calm time left. You’re still at 1 HP, and you can’t go lower. You stay in this state for a round for each 10 minutes of calm time left. When it’s over you instantly lose all your remaining calm time, and recover 1 HP for every 10 minutes increment lost this way. Afterwards, all your physical stats will be reduced by 3 until you can rest. You’re shaking like a freezing puppy, probably rambling about eating a snake that’s eating you, constantly looking around like a paranoid android and so on. Being a badass is hard.

THIS IS NOW ABOUT THE PYRO
Team Fortress 2 comic by Valve.

GOBLINS ATE MY GOBLINS

As a GLOG class, the Psycho would look roughly like this:

A: Loose Beast
B: Strip the Flesh, Salt the Wound
C: Pyromaniac
D: Badass

Switch out “Pyromaniac” and “Badass” as needed, if you want (for example, if someone plans on taking only 3 Templates and then multiclassing), as Pyromaniac is fun but it really is not anything core to the “walking jukebox of profanity and death” experience (in fact, it is just a Borderlands reference).

It might be a little too “combat-centric” for GLOG design philosophy, but I like my design rules how I like my diet: totally disregarded when I feel like it.

He did it because he loves you! Kinda.
Team Fortress 2 comic by Valve.

The Bicephalous Ogre: a B/X Class Built for Two

A cold wind blows on the mountainous north, like that night. Blood stained the Fanged Olympus, while the remnants of the Bonecrusher Clan watched over the marching armies of Man, ready to make their last stand. Soon, the front gate could have not stopped the flood of blood no more. As Death came crawling up the mountain wearing the face of mankind, the Warlock drew blood from the fallen warrior to conjure his vengeance, and smiled as the call his dark arts and the slaughter had made possible was answered. As the mixed blood of battle brothers rose and took new form, flesh of two became body of one, and the newly born Bonecrusher vanguard watched itself in awe, scared of what it did recognize of itself, and terrified of what it didn’t.

Come havoc! Come infinite night!
Cho'Gall by karichristensen

Two Heads are Better than One:

I was always fascinated with the small technicalities that teamwork requires, and how much internal grudges can make everything go haywire in a careful plan. And I was always fascinated by idea of not only sharing the table (and the group) with my friend, but even my characters, and how much that would change our dynamics and gameplay.
This looks a lot like the Oscadian from Goblin Punch, or even some of his paired classes from before, but I swear I had this idea before I read that. It dates back to the Two-Headed Ogre april’s fool in WoW, and I decided to make it happen (oh boy, I’m definitely a big procrastinator) when Cho’Gall was released in Heroes of the Storm. For those of you that don’t play Blizzard games, Cho’Gall is a single character controlled by two players, in a sort of pilot/bombardier configuration. So here it is: a B/X class for two players in a single body! So you won’t have to use two character sheets and get mad trying to solve which one is the right one for the job at hand (so it’s still a single character for all intents and purposes).

Always two, there are:

Ok, I lied. This is not a single class. This is a classmaking lab. I simply cannot make a single class, because I still want the two players to mix’n’match stuff and to somewhat play “their own” character. So, keep in mind that each player chooses his own class, and write the following on the sheet:

Hit Points: take the worst of the two classes. Roll twice and take the better result, then add double the usual bonus from Constitution.

Saves, Movement etc etc: take the best from the two classes.

Any kind of special abilities or class-specific bonus: take all (but see later for usage).

XP: take the worst from the two classes.

An House Divided: Ability Scores are shared between the players (after all, it’s the same character). Each player can choose a single Ability Score to focus on, giving it a +2 Bonus for his own actions only (no score can go past 18 this way).

To Each his Own: Each player controls one arm, which can if the need arises hold a two-handed item comfortably. Each player can do an action independently from the other. Yes, that includes moving in a direction and have your idiot brother then run back immediately. When making any long-running task (eg: a skill check) both players must work at it.

Great Minds: each player only has access to his particular class abilities. So, on a Fighter/Wizard combo, only the Fighter player has the to-hit bonus, and only the Wizard can cast spells.

Name: each player decides the name of the other’s head. The full name of the character is a portmanteau of the two, ordered by flipping a coin (so if an head is called Fuckface and the other Buttcheeks, it could be Fuckcheek or Buttface). Bonus points if they say it in unison whenever they’re called.
That was the worst attempt at humor I made this month. Please don’t hate me.

Everybody knows horses make you faster.
Cho'Gall's Heroes of the Storm model by Blizzard

Brutus Bifrons:

As a little extra, there are some suggestions to make it a race for use in a ruleset which actually separates race and class, especially for 3.x D&D or Pathfinder games (which despite all of their flaws were our entry points in roleplaying games and hold a special place in our hearts).

Sum the HP of the two classes, but apply Constitution only once.
For all intents and purposes, this is a single character. Single sheet, with all that implies, and the following adjustments: take the best Saving Throw bonuses for each Saving Throw; keep class Base Attack Bonus separated and apply the right one depending on who’s attacking; allow any kind of two-handed action to be done with a single hand (since that’s what each player has).
Don’t allow both players to take full actions. My personal suggestion is to have a Move Action and a Reaction (or Immediate Action, or Bonus Action or however they were called) shared between them. So both can take a Standard Action as they please, but only one at a time can take a Full Action each round. This should not break action economy too much and actually have a nice little action management minigame between them.
Naturally keep them on the same Initiative. Remember, the main attractive of this thing is being two guys in a single character, with the ease of control of a single character.
Give them free Teamwork Feats, or otherwise allow them an accelerated Feat progression (after all, they’ll need double the feats to have each class competitive unless one of them is a spellcaster).
Give each of them something like a +2 or even +4 to an Ability Score of their choice, but ONLY as far as class abilities are concerned. So, for example, a Wis 14 Cleric could cast as a Wis 16 or 18 Cleric, but only as far as the actual act of spellcasting is involved, no Ability Check or Saving Throw bonus. Maybe make an exception for martial classes since they don’t use the raw Ability Score that much and give them that sweet To-Hit and Damage bonuses.
Give the player not getting the full action some kind of bonus or other funny thing to do. My personal favourite would be “slap the other player in the face if he took the action without asking politely first”, but it’s really your call.
Give them some way to help each other, or at least some direct way to collaborate. Example: allow them to use Aid Another action on themselves, maybe even a buffed version (so like +4 instead of +2).

Why stop at Ogre? Or stop at two?
Cerberus from Final Fantasy XV