PSYCHO: A MEAT PUPPET BUILT FOR SLAUGHTER (B/X AND GLOG TOO)

[The following is an excerpt from a conversation between me and the other author:]

SORRY AS A SLICE WOUND, I DONT HAVE ANY GOOD IDEAS FOR THE USUAL OPENING TEXT BLURB.
Shut up idiot. You’re making a fool of us.
NO NO REALLY, WE GOTTA WRITE SOMETHING NICE TO ATTRACT THE LADIES.
I said shut up, you scare the ladies, they don’t like you.
HEY PRETTY LADY, WANT SOME NIPPLE SALAD?
Here we go again.

[Naturally, I was the one preparing the salad.]

SALAD REQUIRES YOU!
Krieg the Psycho by shrarm

IM SORRY I MADE THIS PLEASE DONT HURT ME

That was an horrible introduction. I’ll make up for it next time. In the meanwhile know that I know that everybody knows it’s shit.

I like Borderlands a lot. And I like Krieg a lot. This class was born from my desire to have some Borderlands aesthetic in my games, and to homage that wonderful mess that is Krieg by making something not so common in the OSR world: a reverse barbarian. What I mean by that is a character that, by default, can’t solve problems with his wits and mind and has to actually spend his limited resources to be effective outside of combat or at least outside of very dangerous and immediate situations. I don’t want combat to become the main focus of the game, I just want it to be a real constant risk just by virtue of having a big sociopath in the party. A bit like a family reunion: it’s all fun and games until your drunken uncle pins the dog down.

Not everyone is going to like such a combat-centric class in an OSR game (in fact, I’m not totally convinced it’s a good class but I’m far too tired to keep working on it and it kinda worked at my table) and it’s fine, since it kinda deviates from the usual OSR style thing. However, if you want to be a sociopath not only at your table, but inside your game, here’s the class for you. Your party can thank me later.

A usual party with a psycho.
Borderlands 2 Splash Art by Gearbox.

SEE THE NUMBERS TASTE THE VIOLENCE

Psychos are big balls of flesh, bone and rage who have forgone their sanity, with only a little bit of it left, pushing back from the most secluded places in their skulls. Just like my mother. They still feel loyalty and a need to protect those they care about, but for the most part they're just a collection of screams splashing gore around. Those that accompany themselves with Psychos are usually considered totally insane by others, and often have to prevent their crazy companions from doing very stupid shit like biting the ass of a sleeping rhino or charging straight inside an active volcano because their inner voice was sleeping. Psychos love and care for their companions, like a very special (and very big) child cares for his mother.

HP: as Fighter or whatever is the best option in your game 

Saves: as Fighter

Literally anything else besides special abilities: as Wizard

Loose beast: you are a reverse barbarian, you are always raging and screaming while a faint voice tries to hold you back; you effectively count as having 3 to all mental stats (and +2 up to a maximum of 18 to physical ones) and can’t do anything that requires patience or understanding, unless you are actively channeling your inner voice; you can be a calm and reasonable dude for up to one hour each day (with minimum increments of 10 minutes); you gain an extra 10 minutes every 2 levels. Your inner voice is still not the one doing the talking, so you’re gonna be a chill dude screaming about the beauty of slaughter and fishing with bacon.

Strip the Flesh: or every time you encounter something new you must Save or be compelled to attack the first living thing near your. Also, during combat, you are compelled to attack each round (friend or foe); if you can’t you’ll attack yourself as a free action (no roll to hit, just roll damage). Even if you attack, you’ll still inflict yourself a single HP of damage each turn. You’re a cross between a menstruating girl, a pitbull and a meat grinder: the only thing that can keep you interested is violence.

Salt the Wound: every time you hit and successfully put down something or someone, you recover d8 HP. A bleeding wound is a good reminder that you’re still alive, especially when you’re the one making it on someone else. But you didn’t need to remind that guy so many times.

Pyromaniac: when you’re on fire, all your attacks deal extra fire damage like a torch. You can only take a single point of damage from fire each round. Hitting things on fire makes you so happy that you automatically get an attack bonus equal to that of a Fighter when attacking them. That’s because you love the Firehawk more than you love yourself and you hope she’s keeping tabs on who’s keeping fires stoked.

Badass: when you’re downed, instead of being downed you get back up screaming like the badass you are, but only if you have some calm time left. You’re still at 1 HP, and you can’t go lower. You stay in this state for a round for each 10 minutes of calm time left. When it’s over you instantly lose all your remaining calm time, and recover 1 HP for every 10 minutes increment lost this way. Afterwards, all your physical stats will be reduced by 3 until you can rest. You’re shaking like a freezing puppy, probably rambling about eating a snake that’s eating you, constantly looking around like a paranoid android and so on. Being a badass is hard.

THIS IS NOW ABOUT THE PYRO
Team Fortress 2 comic by Valve.

GOBLINS ATE MY GOBLINS

As a GLOG class, the Psycho would look roughly like this:

A: Loose Beast
B: Strip the Flesh, Salt the Wound
C: Pyromaniac
D: Badass

Switch out “Pyromaniac” and “Badass” as needed, if you want (for example, if someone plans on taking only 3 Templates and then multiclassing), as Pyromaniac is fun but it really is not anything core to the “walking jukebox of profanity and death” experience (in fact, it is just a Borderlands reference).

It might be a little too “combat-centric” for GLOG design philosophy, but I like my design rules how I like my diet: totally disregarded when I feel like it.

He did it because he loves you! Kinda.
Team Fortress 2 comic by Valve.

The Bicephalous Ogre: a B/X Class Built for Two

A cold wind blows on the mountainous north, like that night. Blood stained the Fanged Olympus, while the remnants of the Bonecrusher Clan watched over the marching armies of Man, ready to make their last stand. Soon, the front gate could have not stopped the flood of blood no more. As Death came crawling up the mountain wearing the face of mankind, the Warlock drew blood from the fallen warrior to conjure his vengeance, and smiled as the call his dark arts and the slaughter had made possible was answered. As the mixed blood of battle brothers rose and took new form, flesh of two became body of one, and the newly born Bonecrusher vanguard watched itself in awe, scared of what it did recognize of itself, and terrified of what it didn’t.

Come havoc! Come infinite night!
Cho'Gall by karichristensen

Two Heads are Better than One:

I was always fascinated with the small technicalities that teamwork requires, and how much internal grudges can make everything go haywire in a careful plan. And I was always fascinated by idea of not only sharing the table (and the group) with my friend, but even my characters, and how much that would change our dynamics and gameplay.
This looks a lot like the Oscadian from Goblin Punch, or even some of his paired classes from before, but I swear I had this idea before I read that. It dates back to the Two-Headed Ogre april’s fool in WoW, and I decided to make it happen (oh boy, I’m definitely a big procrastinator) when Cho’Gall was released in Heroes of the Storm. For those of you that don’t play Blizzard games, Cho’Gall is a single character controlled by two players, in a sort of pilot/bombardier configuration. So here it is: a B/X class for two players in a single body! So you won’t have to use two character sheets and get mad trying to solve which one is the right one for the job at hand (so it’s still a single character for all intents and purposes).

Always two, there are:

Ok, I lied. This is not a single class. This is a classmaking lab. I simply cannot make a single class, because I still want the two players to mix’n’match stuff and to somewhat play “their own” character. So, keep in mind that each player chooses his own class, and write the following on the sheet:

Hit Points: take the worst of the two classes. Roll twice and take the better result, then add double the usual bonus from Constitution.

Saves, Movement etc etc: take the best from the two classes.

Any kind of special abilities or class-specific bonus: take all (but see later for usage).

XP: take the worst from the two classes.

An House Divided: Ability Scores are shared between the players (after all, it’s the same character). Each player can choose a single Ability Score to focus on, giving it a +2 Bonus for his own actions only (no score can go past 18 this way).

To Each his Own: Each player controls one arm, which can if the need arises hold a two-handed item comfortably. Each player can do an action independently from the other. Yes, that includes moving in a direction and have your idiot brother then run back immediately. When making any long-running task (eg: a skill check) both players must work at it.

Great Minds: each player only has access to his particular class abilities. So, on a Fighter/Wizard combo, only the Fighter player has the to-hit bonus, and only the Wizard can cast spells.

Name: each player decides the name of the other’s head. The full name of the character is a portmanteau of the two, ordered by flipping a coin (so if an head is called Fuckface and the other Buttcheeks, it could be Fuckcheek or Buttface). Bonus points if they say it in unison whenever they’re called.
That was the worst attempt at humor I made this month. Please don’t hate me.

Everybody knows horses make you faster.
Cho'Gall's Heroes of the Storm model by Blizzard

Brutus Bifrons:

As a little extra, there are some suggestions to make it a race for use in a ruleset which actually separates race and class, especially for 3.x D&D or Pathfinder games (which despite all of their flaws were our entry points in roleplaying games and hold a special place in our hearts).

Sum the HP of the two classes, but apply Constitution only once.
For all intents and purposes, this is a single character. Single sheet, with all that implies, and the following adjustments: take the best Saving Throw bonuses for each Saving Throw; keep class Base Attack Bonus separated and apply the right one depending on who’s attacking; allow any kind of two-handed action to be done with a single hand (since that’s what each player has).
Don’t allow both players to take full actions. My personal suggestion is to have a Move Action and a Reaction (or Immediate Action, or Bonus Action or however they were called) shared between them. So both can take a Standard Action as they please, but only one at a time can take a Full Action each round. This should not break action economy too much and actually have a nice little action management minigame between them.
Naturally keep them on the same Initiative. Remember, the main attractive of this thing is being two guys in a single character, with the ease of control of a single character.
Give them free Teamwork Feats, or otherwise allow them an accelerated Feat progression (after all, they’ll need double the feats to have each class competitive unless one of them is a spellcaster).
Give each of them something like a +2 or even +4 to an Ability Score of their choice, but ONLY as far as class abilities are concerned. So, for example, a Wis 14 Cleric could cast as a Wis 16 or 18 Cleric, but only as far as the actual act of spellcasting is involved, no Ability Check or Saving Throw bonus. Maybe make an exception for martial classes since they don’t use the raw Ability Score that much and give them that sweet To-Hit and Damage bonuses.
Give the player not getting the full action some kind of bonus or other funny thing to do. My personal favourite would be “slap the other player in the face if he took the action without asking politely first”, but it’s really your call.
Give them some way to help each other, or at least some direct way to collaborate. Example: allow them to use Aid Another action on themselves, maybe even a buffed version (so like +4 instead of +2).

Why stop at Ogre? Or stop at two?
Cerberus from Final Fantasy XV

The Geometric Qualities of Living Creatures

Some time after the beginning, Gods created Life. Some say they merely found it, but that is a blatantly false statement. They can create mountains, ground and everything that is static; how could they not create the sea of emerging possibilities that is life?

Swimming downwards the stream of the Gods’ will, Life was thrust into the World. The Gods had defined boundaries for it, discrete forms it could use and adore them in; Gods revel in adoration, and as Life was made, taking the form the Gods intended and adoring them was the only possibility in their mind. Gods are absolute, as their Will and their decisions are.

Life, however, is a little less absolute. It took those Godly thoughts and caressed them in a multitude of ways, from a stream of discrete forms to a river of contiguous possibilities, to an endless sea of unforseen chances. Forms became components and components were twisted and changed; that’s why there are so many differences from Man to Man. Such is the way of life: a way of possibility and new horizons, not one of stillness and uniform willpower.

Soon Errors emerged from Life, which the Gods didn’t see as right: the Sun was made to wipe them out and to encourage Life to take beautiful, God-abiding forms; but Life can not be shackled nor any will can be imposed on it, so it gave its unwanted sons ways to escape, hiding from the Sun beneath the crust of the World, deep beneath the rocky veins that the Gods checked for unwelcome pulses...

Life has had enough of your shit, God!
Man of Many Mothers cover by Luca Coppola

Creatures as a Vectorial Space:

DISCLAIMER: this whole idea was sparked by me wanting to create ugly, barely predictable monsters and Luca rambling about colors as a geometrical space and impossible colors being part of that space for data completeness’ sake. We might just have been very drunk, but we also found this to be a very interesting concept that could spawn very interesting results. Interesting enough to be worth sharing, at the very least.

In OSR games, stat blocks are usually very slim, if there are any. Rather than stat blocks, things tend to stay discursive and focused on abilities and special tools, noting what’s different about a creature rather than a list of probably boring and often unused or otherwise uninteresting facts (like a full list of Ability Scores which are exactly the same as a normal man but without Intelligence for undead). Rather, OSR-style games seem to be focused, at least in my experience, on very interesting and distinct stuff; oftentimes with horror tints or at the very least with limited knowledge about what the players are about to face. Creature abilities usually do not intersect, sometimes might be unique, but are always a distinction from a baseline human, in exactly the same way as class abilities are a distinction from a baseline human.

SO. MANY. VECTORS.
Mutant by priapos78.

Long story short, that kind of OSR-inspired creature seems to be a perfect match for what I like to call “Creature-Space” (ok I just came up with a name that sounds somewhat cool) and which I plan on using on the next adventure we’re writing. The root of this idea can be found in the oldest and most common OSR tool, the almighty random table, and the idea itself can be summed up like this: instead of defining a creature as a “generic creature” for a certain type, writers could define a space (as in “vectorial space” for those of you more math-minded) which contains your generic creature and other interesting variations. It could be best described as an extension of random qualities tables such as the evergreen “1d100 mutations”: where those tables add a single dimension of variance on creatures and makes each of them “slightly unique”, imagine if the whole of a creature category was defined by a series of tables! Due to them being defined by “skills and particular things” in OSR style games, with the rest coming with the ruleset rather than with the adventure, it is quite easy (at least on a conceptual level) to envision creatures as a space of possibilities to be discovered rather than as definite building blocks. It is, after all, just a little step beyond Encounter Rolls as “the space of encounter possibilities” being explored and discovered in real time, and could even work as part of it if one was willing to put some extra work into the idea.

There’s an actual example of a two-dimensional creature space, usable for generating a fey creature by rolling 2d4 in order:

1. Butterfly wings (fly speed equal to land speed)
2. Snail Tail (leaves behind a bioluminescent track, which damages all creatures that touch it and prevents healing)
3. Fawn Legs (small runes glow on it’s hooves, each hoove holds a single random level 1 spell)
4. Horseback (triples land speed and can attack while moving)

1. Crabshell (+2 AC, is immune to fire)
2. Thirsty Claws (2 claw attacks, regenerates HP equal to half damage inflicted)
3. Witch Nose (can track underage creatures by smell)
4. Plaguecarrier (can't attack, halves all movement speeds, can’t run, inflicts constant damage to those within 9 meters; those attacking must Save or be nauseated by the blighted blood, losing a turn and taking double damage from the plague cloud)

We are DEFINITELY going to use a system like that for whatever we’re going to write next.

(Don't) drink, drive and read us

So, here we go. We've been floating around the net for quite some time now and we're not that much interesting on our own, so excuse us if we don't spend too much time talking about us.
Bad Whiskey Games is a couple of male heterosexual life partners, composed as you would expect of two pretentious assholes with absolutely no repressed sexual tension between them. We wrote some interesting stuff in the past, which we'll try to post here in the next few weeks. We have a DriveThruRPG page of free stuff, if you want to check that out.

I'm Simone, programmer by trade, author by heart, genius by headbutting the floor one time too may when I was a child. Being the tech-savvy guy AND the totally mad guy, I'm the one who will mostly write here and that will mostly write on other stuff by us.

The other guy is Luca. He has a tattoo on his head. He's an artist (actually getting a degree in the Accademia delle Belle Arti di Roma). He doesn't talk much. He will do all the heavy lifting on layouting, illustrating and mapping. He's pretty good.

The place is still under costruction, so sorry if we change stuff around.